Take a moment to look back with me…
There’s a wonderful analogy I love to use when engaging parents and caregivers in workshops. It is not my own creation but it perfectly captures the much-needed message and it is always well received. When talking about parenting, priorities and managing stress – I always ask them to imagine all their responsibilities as balls they are juggling. I ask them to imagine that the various balls are made of different materials – some glass, some plastic and some rubber. I explain that the glass balls cannot be dropped (family, health), the rubber balls can bounce back if dropped (extra-curricular activities, hobbies) and the plastic balls may fall and roll away and can be picked up at a more opportune time (cleaning the house, some leisure activities). Keep this in mind, I will return to it later on.
Where it started – Hope and Idealism…
In April 2022 when I took the helm of this wonderful club, I was bursting with ideas and running on hope and idealism. One of the many things I wanted to accomplish was creating a monthly blog and with the help of my SIAN sisters, our blog was indeed born. The purpose of this blog was to provide a voice for the interests and issues that impact the women of SIAN. It was also my hope that this ‘passion project’ would also create more visibility for the club. Our first year, 2022, went amazingly well and we were able to publish a blog every month (April to December). We were also able to engage in some charitable outreach and carry out a number of other ‘passion projects’; wonderful projects that truly impacted women, girls and by extension families in south Trinidad. It was a busy year.
When Reality stepped into the mix…
When 2023 rolled around, I admit, though tired, I started the year with the same idealism and hope for an even greater year. This year (2023), however, did not quite turn out the way that I imagined and many things, including the blog, suffered. Personally, there were many changes competing for my attention – more responsibilities at work, more professional opportunities brought about through networking, family responsibilities and personal health challenges. Despite it all, I tried to hold on to the dream and push through, noticing as time went on how much harder it all seemed. Noticing as well that many of the ladies were also faced with ‘more’ and time became a rare and precious commodity. Soon, I noticed that things began to slip and I was running around trying to grab them all back. At times, I was successful in just making it and at other times – not so much. There also came a point, much to my great disappointment when I simply had to decide that I couldn’t stretch anymore and had to let things go (this blog being one of them).
Introspection time – looking within is hard but necessary…
My limitations felt like failures and at times I felt like throwing my hands up and just walking away. I struggled within myself and sunk into a mood. Where I started idealistic and hopeful, I now felt dull and beaten. I didn’t only feel it but I looked it because soon persons started noticing and telling me about balance, self-care, boundaries and appreciating that boundaries and limits aren’t bad. They started telling me the same things I tell them, clients, parents and public through my professional capacity. They started telling me things I know and believe to be true but I just couldn’t seem to apply it to myself. I’m happy to say that after hearing it a few times (or a hundred) from friends in different spheres – I listened. I stopped, reflected and acknowledged that I needed to take a look at my responsibility ‘balls’ and make some decisions. My glass balls – health (older parents, unexpected diagnoses, my health struggles with PCOS and the many symptoms) and financial responsibilities needed my attention –could not be the ones that I allowed to fall or put down. My rubber balls – additional work tasks and my responsibilities with the club – required keeping an eye on, watching for the bounce and catching them up again; maybe even throwing them someone else’s way for a bit. My plastic balls – some opportunities that could be deferred, certain chores and activities that could simply wait. I needed to prioritize and learn when to rest by either putting some ‘balls’ down or giving them to someone else, even throwing some away. I needed to accept that rest is not bad, it does not mean that I no longer care or that I’m no longer capable – just that I’m not able right now. I needed to put the theory into practice and indeed practice what I so often preach.
Rest is a Requirement not a Reward…
As women, we are either forced into being everything for everyone or we believe that we need to be. We often ignore our own need to prioritize and rest to ensure that everything else and everyone else is ok. And we are either forced into giving up things that we are passionate about or the guilt we place on ourselves tell us we need to stop. If you are reading this, let this be a gentle reminder that taking a break does not diminish your strength or your passions. Resting does not make you weak or mean that you have to give it all up. Rest will likely energize you to renew your efforts and commitment and spark creativity. Rest will definitely help you maintain your mental and physical health. In 2024, I would like to encourage you all to stop, reflect, prioritize and acknowledge the importance of rest to your continued overall growth.
Written by Ahhalia Ramdass
(Photo Credit: Lorraine Acosta)